One of Burns’ lesser known poems (not!) ………………
TAE A FERT (Fart)
Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert working like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the saucie face
Will have ye blawin all ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’bodys gonnae have tae pay
Even if yae try to stifle,
Its like a bullet oot a rifle.
Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae god it disnae reek.
But awe yer efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap oh thunder
Ricochets around the room
Michty me, a sonic boom
God almighty it fairly reeks
Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell its no ma worry.
Abody roon aboot me choking
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.
Wiz him I shout with accusing glower,
Alas too late , he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and start
I dinnae feel welcome ony mair
Where err ye go let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbies perty
Ower the sake oh wan wee ferty.