The Scots

40 DEGREES
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Scotland sunbathe.

35 DEGREES
Italians find their cars won’t start.
Scots drive with windows down.

20 DEGREES
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woollen hats.
People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.

15 DEGREES
Californians begin to evacuate state.
People in Scotland go swimming.

0 DEGREES
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Scotland have the last BBQ before it gets cold.

10 BELOW
People in Miami cease to exist.
People in Scotland lick flagpoles.

20 BELOW
Californians fly away to Mexico.
Scots throw on a light jacket.

80 BELOW
Polar bears evacuate the Arctic.
Scots Boy Scouts postpone winter survival classes until it is cold enough.

100 BELOW
Santa Claus abandons North Pole.
People in Scotland pull down ear-flaps.

173 BELOW
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Scots get frustrated when they can’t thaw their kegs.

297 BELOW
Microbial life start to disappear.
Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 BELOW
All atomic motion stops.
People in Scotland start saying “chilly, you cald an aw?”.

500 BELOW
Hell freezes over.
Scottish people support England in Euro 2008