One of Burns’ lesser known poems (not!) ………………

TAE A FERT (Fart)

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie

Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie

Just as ye sit doon among yer kin

There sterts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas

Stert working like a gentle breeze

But soon the puddin wi the saucie face

Will have ye blawin all ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae

A’bodys gonnae have tae pay

Even if yae try to stifle,

Its like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair

Tae try and stop the leakin air

Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek

Prae tae god it disnae reek.

But awe yer efforts go asunder

Oot it comes like a clap oh thunder

Ricochets around the room

Michty me, a sonic boom

God almighty it fairly reeks

Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks

Tae the bog I better scurry

Aw whit the hell its no ma worry.

Abody roon aboot me choking

Wan or two are nearly bokin

I’ll feel better for a while

Cannae help but raise a smile.

Wiz him I shout with accusing glower,

Alas too late , he’s just keeled ower

Ye dirty bugger they shout and start

I dinnae feel welcome ony mair

Where err ye go let yer wind gan free

Sounds like just the job fur me

Whit a fuss at Rabbies perty

Ower the sake oh wan wee ferty.